Well here I am posting a final finale post. I wasn’t sure what my next steps were to be when I last wrote, so I shelved decisions on this site for awhile until clarity came. I closed my company a few years ago which was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I left my site up because I still had lingering thoughts that I might one day continue pursuing my dream of publishing my story and merging this site into an author site. Sharing the journey of transformation through time in the sea, the dolphins, whales and mermaid experience. With the last few years bounty of personal tragedy & life’s vicissitudes to face and walk through (which really has sucked the life outta me to be honest). I needed to take space to see whether that dream was over and not something that could be rejuvenated or archived into a new direction. Also to be sure this is a clean decision from my heart & not giving up from adversity. Some decisions I’ve had to make quickly and some have needed the shelving process. It’s important for me to clear away from that mental and emotional maze to get an intuitive answer. It’s a tough call when you love something so much, put your entire heart and soul, passion and purpose into it and see the how the experience benefits others lives — to let it completely go. This seems silly but this site energetically speaking feels like the final thread. Of course the chapter will live on in my heart and memories, but if you are an artist or a dreamer — you get it. I remember when this site/rebrand was completed I felt like I had birthed a baby into the world. ( I did always want to be a mom, I just got to be a mer mom for my business!) Of course every new site and business growth felt amazing but this by far was the grandest upgrade at the time.
The evolution of bringing my message into the world taught and grew me in so many ways. I think having taken the steps of letting go & leaving behind my life in hawaii 5 years ago to level up to speak and publish my story was a leap of faith like no other. It didn’t end up working out that way mostly because it wasn’t supposed to. I kept the biz alive a few more years but really it just ran its course. Shortly after making that leap/move my dad found out he had his first brain tumor. I’m so grateful for the time I’ve been able to be present for him. I’m also beyond grateful he got to travel with me on some of my trips to Tahiti and Bahamas and experience a swim with wild dolphins. Life is such a crazy wild trip! The last 4 years have been a series of surgeries for him which he has fought and won every battle despite the odds and other adversities that came up. In midst of it all my parents divorced after a longterm marriage which has certainly been a navigation process of its own in dealing with for all involved. Meanwhile I struggled with chronic pain for the last 3 years that reached a new level 1 1/2 years ago when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia & has radically changed my life. Let’s face it this fish is fried! (Ha mermaid humor) Being a human can be knarly!!
Somehow it feels as though there are ribbons of destiny woven through this whole process — even though there’s so much pain in life I still don’t understand, at times it seems to be a necessary part of the human experience and whatever our unique paths are. Especially as change is truly the only constant in life. One thing the ocean is a wonderful teacher in is showing how nothing ever stays the same. We are constantly growing, evolving, shedding the old — and attachment is what keeps us stuck. The energy must be kept moving. (Well sometimes when storms knock you down you gotta heal – but even healing is movement whether we see it or not).
I hesitated posting on here again, but feels right to have this closure. Basically the cool part about not knowing the answer to something is that if you shelve it eventually the guidance comes. Took a couple years for this one (but the grand slams of a few solid life whammies certainly slowed my game down so to speak!) Recently I’ve been thinking how my site left up is sort of like an open casket funeral! So basically it’s gotten crystal clear that it’s time to delete my site and to be honest I don’t really want to publish my book on that chapter. Who knows maybe I will publish something one day – or maybe not.. either way — all good. I definitely don’t want another website like I had thought & the idea of closing it down sounds incredibly freeing. My domain’s set to run another couple weeks so rather than deleting it all, I’ll let it run it’s course and disappear off into the ethers of life ~ let it go ~ Gone Like the Wind ~~~~ It can live on in the dreamworld it’s meant to ~ because the reality is that this chapter was truly a dream life which is so beyond amazing and I hope for those whose lives it touched they will remember that anything is possible.
Dreams you can’t even imagine will take form and lift you into a life beyond the “reality” you know. Inspiring others to know this is still my passion and I’m looking forward to seeing how that manifests anew.
For now my focus still is on being present and healing, but I’m also excited for a new dream and new life and how all these experiences from the last chapter served a grander purpose than I’ll ever probably know and how it has set the base for my next adventure ~ If my heart has its way it will be somewhere by the sea wild and free!
Much aloha to you all on these high seas of life. Carry on and tally ho!